Wednesday
Apr042012
Stacey's Birth of Oliver
Wednesday, April 4, 2012 at 8:11PM Stacey's Birth of Oliver
The Birth of Oliver Elijah
Oliver Elijah Alexander
March 10, 2011 at 3pm
9lbs 2oz - 21.5 inches
S-Our midwife
M-Midwife apprentice and our doula from AJ's birth
B-Midwife apprentice
Lora- Birth photographer, doula
And please forgive me in advance, this story is enormously long!
We were all exhausted and Andrew wasn’t feeling well so he and AJ went to bed early. I had not had an appetite and didn’t eat dinner, a rare occasion for me since I would get incredibly nauseas and weak if I missed a meal. I felt pretty good and was in a really reflective mood, I stayed up listening to music and thinking about my life as a mother and wife and how we would become a family of 4 soon. I noticed some cramps, but didn’t want to get my hopes up. I was too awake to go to sleep so I stayed up until around midnight before going back to bed. By then the cramps (very mild, not heavy) had moved to 15 minutes apart and I was starting to feel like I would be meeting my baby in the next few days. I dozed in and out of sleep, too excited to stay asleep. I was trying not to wake Andrew, but finally I broke down and told him “babe…I think labor is starting.” After that we both tried to get some sleep. I dozed on and off, the contractions weren’t waking me, but my growling tummy was! I got up and had something to eat around 3am, at which point the contractions were coming 8-10 minutes apart. Andrew got up and didn’t feel well; he was starting to get sick with a stomach type bug. I noticed a few things around the house that were bothering me so I cleaned them up; taking out recycling and wiping the counters and organizing a cabinet. I was so keyed up and wanted to meet my baby right then! I finally calmed down enough to join Andrew and AJ back in the bed but before I could doze off I had Andrew check me. The verdict = 3-4 centimeters.
I slept pretty well until around 6am, at which point the contractions seemed to be 6-10 minutes apart lasting about a minute. They were still manageable and I didn’t need to breathe or focus, but they were spaced just far enough that I couldn’t get back to sleep every time one came. I woke Andrew and had him check me and he tells me “Hun, I don’t know, maybe 5? Or 6?” I got irritated and told him that there is no way he was right, there is no way I was that close! I laid in bed for another hour and they were still spaced, but I did have to breathe through a few. AJ woke up from the other side of the bed smiling ear to ear at the sound of me breathing heavily. We all had breakfast at the kitchen table, a rare occasion since Andrew usually takes breakfast duty and lets me sleep a few extra minutes. I was bouncing on the ball next to the table and having a yogurt, contractions were still spaced nicely at around 8 minutes apart. Things did change a bit at some point when it hurt in my bottom to stand up. I texted M and said “it hurts more to stand up, is that normal?” She assured me it was very normal and then called me. There was some talk over her coming right away, but I didn’t think it was necessary, I didn’t want everyone sitting in my house waiting on me all day if I was only 3 or 4. I suffer from some serious labor denial, during pregnancy I would dial up M for anything under the sun, but when I actually go into labor I am skeptical and don’t want to bother anyone. I had a heavy contraction on the phone with M and looking back I think she knew better than I did that I was pretty far along. We agreed that I would call her if anything changed and I felt good about that since she only lived 5 minutes away.
I was due for a prenatal appointment that morning at 8:30 so S arrived at our house with her two kiddos. We had left her a voicemail saying we thought I might be in labor, but we weren’t 100%. She came in and we chatted and started our prenatal visit. I gave her a urine sample, she measured my belly, and took my blood pressure…everything was perfect. I told her that she would probably be able to make it to her postpartum visits that day, but would she please check me before she left. S checked me and had this really confident look on her face. “What?! What am I?” I said. “You are about 8.” I was worried about little things like not vacuuming or buying my favorite Trader Joe’s juice. I yelled down the hall for Andrew (my dh) to take our toddler to preschool and to hurry back! In the mean time I texted M and Lora and told them it was time. S was in the playroom with her two kids and I kept peaking my head in and kind of insecurely asking her “really? You really think this is it?” I don’t know why I was so skeptical, this is what my labor was like with my son. In hindsight I think it was both overwhelming and so exciting to feel like you are in early labor and then have someone tell you that you might be just an hour or two away from meeting your baby. S reminded me that my body knew exactly what is was doing and that this was the kind of labor God wanted me to have, and to accept the blessing. She was so right and from there on out I was able to just celebrate that I was about to meet my new baby.
M got there super fast and after that I was so relieved & could relax. Andrew got back in shortly after M, there was no way I would have this baby unless he was by my side. Lora got there fast too and pretty soon we were all sitting in my living room chatting it up and enjoying each other. I loved having them all there surrounding me, the energy just flowed so well and I felt so safe, my guard was down fully. Contractions were still nice and spaced at about 8 to 10 minutes apart, lasting about a minute. They had changed a bit and moved to my bottom and lower back. Every time one would come I would say “OHHHHHHHHH my butt! It’s in my butt! WHY is it in my butt?!” M was all like “That’s cause there’s a baby down there!” Now I just have to laugh at the things I need people to tell me as a laboring mother. Another beautiful thing about laboring at home is that I was able to EAT to gain energy for my upcoming pushing efforts. I didn’t need to sneak anything or ask permission to nourish my body; I was actually encouraged to have something. So there I was, 8 cm dialated, sitting on my sofa and sharing sushi with my midwife. At some point we decided to fill up the pool but I so doubted that it would do anything for my labor. Once I got in my contractions seemed to stop entirely, I probably had two of them over the course of an hour. I kept questioning my body was like “is it possible to UNdialate?” Looking back it was clear that I was experiencing that classic “rest and be thankful phase.”
I started to feel sleepy and spaced out, like I was in a fog or something. Shortly after this feeling my contractions resumed and were much closer together (3-4 minutes apart) and more intense. Every time one would come on I would fall forward on all fours and rock back and forth in the water. My husband was making coffee for the midwives when one came and I said “ANDREW! Get over here NOW!” From that point on he never left my side. Around this time everyone pulled our kitchen table chairs up around the pool and kind of rallied around me. I definitely had to work through this part of labor, but since I wasn’t pushing yet, I still felt confident. It felt good to have Andrew push on my lower back, so much so that I wouldn’t even let him take his hands off of that spot for a second! We were all still cutting up and laughing between contractions, but I finally got to a point where I would laugh and quickly stop and say “NOOOO, no laughing!” because the laughter felt like it was pushing the baby out of me and that scared me to death.
M reminded me that I had not used the bathroom in several hours so she and Andrew helped me out of the pool. As soon as my body was fully out of the water it felt like I was getting hit by a freight train and I had a monstrous contraction. When I sat on the toilet I immediately felt an intense need to pass a bowel movement. I looked up Andrew and said “I need to poop, but I don’t want to.” By this time S, Lora, and M were all gathered in the door watching intently. “Why don’t you want to poop?” Andrew asked (He was kneeling in front of me and I was leaning over on him). “Because I am scared it is really the baby and not poop!” M started laying down chux pads on the bathroom floor, I could tell that everyone thought I was about to push the baby out. I had a few really hard contractions on the toilet and decided I needed to get back in the pool.
March 10, 2011 at 3pm
9lbs 2oz - 21.5 inches
S-Our midwife
M-Midwife apprentice and our doula from AJ's birth
B-Midwife apprentice
Lora- Birth photographer, doula
And please forgive me in advance, this story is enormously long!
We were all exhausted and Andrew wasn’t feeling well so he and AJ went to bed early. I had not had an appetite and didn’t eat dinner, a rare occasion for me since I would get incredibly nauseas and weak if I missed a meal. I felt pretty good and was in a really reflective mood, I stayed up listening to music and thinking about my life as a mother and wife and how we would become a family of 4 soon. I noticed some cramps, but didn’t want to get my hopes up. I was too awake to go to sleep so I stayed up until around midnight before going back to bed. By then the cramps (very mild, not heavy) had moved to 15 minutes apart and I was starting to feel like I would be meeting my baby in the next few days. I dozed in and out of sleep, too excited to stay asleep. I was trying not to wake Andrew, but finally I broke down and told him “babe…I think labor is starting.” After that we both tried to get some sleep. I dozed on and off, the contractions weren’t waking me, but my growling tummy was! I got up and had something to eat around 3am, at which point the contractions were coming 8-10 minutes apart. Andrew got up and didn’t feel well; he was starting to get sick with a stomach type bug. I noticed a few things around the house that were bothering me so I cleaned them up; taking out recycling and wiping the counters and organizing a cabinet. I was so keyed up and wanted to meet my baby right then! I finally calmed down enough to join Andrew and AJ back in the bed but before I could doze off I had Andrew check me. The verdict = 3-4 centimeters.
I slept pretty well until around 6am, at which point the contractions seemed to be 6-10 minutes apart lasting about a minute. They were still manageable and I didn’t need to breathe or focus, but they were spaced just far enough that I couldn’t get back to sleep every time one came. I woke Andrew and had him check me and he tells me “Hun, I don’t know, maybe 5? Or 6?” I got irritated and told him that there is no way he was right, there is no way I was that close! I laid in bed for another hour and they were still spaced, but I did have to breathe through a few. AJ woke up from the other side of the bed smiling ear to ear at the sound of me breathing heavily. We all had breakfast at the kitchen table, a rare occasion since Andrew usually takes breakfast duty and lets me sleep a few extra minutes. I was bouncing on the ball next to the table and having a yogurt, contractions were still spaced nicely at around 8 minutes apart. Things did change a bit at some point when it hurt in my bottom to stand up. I texted M and said “it hurts more to stand up, is that normal?” She assured me it was very normal and then called me. There was some talk over her coming right away, but I didn’t think it was necessary, I didn’t want everyone sitting in my house waiting on me all day if I was only 3 or 4. I suffer from some serious labor denial, during pregnancy I would dial up M for anything under the sun, but when I actually go into labor I am skeptical and don’t want to bother anyone. I had a heavy contraction on the phone with M and looking back I think she knew better than I did that I was pretty far along. We agreed that I would call her if anything changed and I felt good about that since she only lived 5 minutes away.
I was due for a prenatal appointment that morning at 8:30 so S arrived at our house with her two kiddos. We had left her a voicemail saying we thought I might be in labor, but we weren’t 100%. She came in and we chatted and started our prenatal visit. I gave her a urine sample, she measured my belly, and took my blood pressure…everything was perfect. I told her that she would probably be able to make it to her postpartum visits that day, but would she please check me before she left. S checked me and had this really confident look on her face. “What?! What am I?” I said. “You are about 8.” I was worried about little things like not vacuuming or buying my favorite Trader Joe’s juice. I yelled down the hall for Andrew (my dh) to take our toddler to preschool and to hurry back! In the mean time I texted M and Lora and told them it was time. S was in the playroom with her two kids and I kept peaking my head in and kind of insecurely asking her “really? You really think this is it?” I don’t know why I was so skeptical, this is what my labor was like with my son. In hindsight I think it was both overwhelming and so exciting to feel like you are in early labor and then have someone tell you that you might be just an hour or two away from meeting your baby. S reminded me that my body knew exactly what is was doing and that this was the kind of labor God wanted me to have, and to accept the blessing. She was so right and from there on out I was able to just celebrate that I was about to meet my new baby.
M got there super fast and after that I was so relieved & could relax. Andrew got back in shortly after M, there was no way I would have this baby unless he was by my side. Lora got there fast too and pretty soon we were all sitting in my living room chatting it up and enjoying each other. I loved having them all there surrounding me, the energy just flowed so well and I felt so safe, my guard was down fully. Contractions were still nice and spaced at about 8 to 10 minutes apart, lasting about a minute. They had changed a bit and moved to my bottom and lower back. Every time one would come I would say “OHHHHHHHHH my butt! It’s in my butt! WHY is it in my butt?!” M was all like “That’s cause there’s a baby down there!” Now I just have to laugh at the things I need people to tell me as a laboring mother. Another beautiful thing about laboring at home is that I was able to EAT to gain energy for my upcoming pushing efforts. I didn’t need to sneak anything or ask permission to nourish my body; I was actually encouraged to have something. So there I was, 8 cm dialated, sitting on my sofa and sharing sushi with my midwife. At some point we decided to fill up the pool but I so doubted that it would do anything for my labor. Once I got in my contractions seemed to stop entirely, I probably had two of them over the course of an hour. I kept questioning my body was like “is it possible to UNdialate?” Looking back it was clear that I was experiencing that classic “rest and be thankful phase.”
I started to feel sleepy and spaced out, like I was in a fog or something. Shortly after this feeling my contractions resumed and were much closer together (3-4 minutes apart) and more intense. Every time one would come on I would fall forward on all fours and rock back and forth in the water. My husband was making coffee for the midwives when one came and I said “ANDREW! Get over here NOW!” From that point on he never left my side. Around this time everyone pulled our kitchen table chairs up around the pool and kind of rallied around me. I definitely had to work through this part of labor, but since I wasn’t pushing yet, I still felt confident. It felt good to have Andrew push on my lower back, so much so that I wouldn’t even let him take his hands off of that spot for a second! We were all still cutting up and laughing between contractions, but I finally got to a point where I would laugh and quickly stop and say “NOOOO, no laughing!” because the laughter felt like it was pushing the baby out of me and that scared me to death.
M reminded me that I had not used the bathroom in several hours so she and Andrew helped me out of the pool. As soon as my body was fully out of the water it felt like I was getting hit by a freight train and I had a monstrous contraction. When I sat on the toilet I immediately felt an intense need to pass a bowel movement. I looked up Andrew and said “I need to poop, but I don’t want to.” By this time S, Lora, and M were all gathered in the door watching intently. “Why don’t you want to poop?” Andrew asked (He was kneeling in front of me and I was leaning over on him). “Because I am scared it is really the baby and not poop!” M started laying down chux pads on the bathroom floor, I could tell that everyone thought I was about to push the baby out. I had a few really hard contractions on the toilet and decided I needed to get back in the pool.
Soon I started feeling the need to push and so with each contraction I would just gently bear down, it actually made the pain a little less intense. I started to feel absolutely terrified about pushing. With my son I pushed for 5 hours in the McMartin position (knees pushed back to my head). Even though I pushed my first son out with no drugs, I felt like the only reason I was able to have him was because I was held down by the nurses and I distrusted my body to push out THIS baby. I kept saying over and over “I am so scared of pushing; I don’t know if I can do this.” And everyone would say “but you can do this, you are doing it right now!” I would get so upset and tell them not to say that, but then five minutes later I would be asking everyone for reassurance and for them to tell me that I can do it. At one point I really started to lose my mind and think negative. I kept thinking “this baby is NEVER going to come out and we are going to have to transfer.” I told Andrew that I felt selfish because I didn’t care if I had a baby anymore; I just wanted to go back to being 41 weeks pregnant again! M kept telling me what a good mother I was and how I had fought so hard to give AJ a good start, and how she knew I could do this. Andrew kept telling me “you can do this, you can.”
The contractions were getting so strong that I was scared to move because it would bring another on and make me feel like I needed to push. S would suggest lifting up one leg to move the baby down or squatting and I would stall and take forever to get in the position because I knew that what she was suggesting would work, it did every time. I wanted to be checked so S told me to check myself; I really liked that, but was nervous to do so at first (which is silly because I used to have Andrew check me all the time when I was pregnant). I finally checked myself and after some pushing we decided that the baby’s head was not coming down. I would push hard and then S would say “okay, check yourself again, has he come down any?” And this cycle kept going on, but he never seemed to move down. Finally I said I really wanted someone to check me so M did (I was super dramatic over the vaginal exam saying “M, be careful! Be easy!” LOL, she was, but I was so tense) and discovered that there was a little cervical lip left. This terrified me that I was pushing on it and it would get swollen and I would be stuck in this stage FOREVER (amazing where your mind goes when you are in labor land). M promised that wouldn’t happen and that it was just a loose lip that moved back and forth with contractions. I had to let go and trust her, and with the next contraction she held it back and it was gone.
I took comfort in hearing the midwife say that even if I never pushed at all; my body would eventually push the baby out itself. This was “the wall” in my labor where I really doubted myself, I started to question my ability to push this baby out and started saying things like “I need a C section!” and “Break my water!” (I begged my OB for a C section during AJ’s birth as well, so silly) S was so steady and assured me that having my water broken would make the contractions stronger and my husband just kept telling me “you can do this, you’ve done this before!” There was some talk over DH getting in the pool, but he had been sick with a stomach virus and he didn’t have his swim trunks so the thought of him leaving my side even for a second really scared me. I couldn’t bear the thought of him being gone for ten minutes looking around in our messy closet for those swim trunks! Everyone was suggesting positions for me, even our birth photographer (who was more like a doula) would tell me to lift a leg up on the side of the pool, and it felt like everyone was working so harmoniously to reach the goal of my baby. Then B came in and I didn’t even think twice about her arrival (she fit right in), I just screamed “I need someone’s hand!” and she was right there. I was leaning back against the pool, squeezing Andrew and B’s hands during each push.
At some point I turned and had my head on Andrew’s (forehead to forehead) for the longest time, he would just tell me how much he loved me and how he knew I could do this, that he believed in me. I asked Andrew to pray because I didn't know of any other way to get this baby out. Andrew prayed over me, both of us still forehead to forehead, it was beautiful. After that I decided I couldn’t stall anymore. I had been going 5-10 minutes at a time without pushing and just staying frozen for fear that the urge to bear down would strike. I changed positions and just knew I had to do this. I kept thinking about being snugged up in bed with my new baby, Andrew, and AJ. I also kept thinking about the different women I had served as a doula for, I had believed so strongly in them… if they could do this, so could I. I kept thinking I am not the first woman who will ever push a baby out and I won’t be the last, so I can do this! I started pushing with each contraction; my body would just take over and bear down as powerfully as it could. Everyone encouraged me and said “that’s it! Keep doing it like that!”
M put a mirror under me in case I wanted to look (I was squatting in the water), but I got so intensely into pushing that my eyes stayed shut. Finally the baby came down and his bag of waters was still intact and bulging from my vagina. “BREAK IT!” I said, but S told me that we should leave it and with a few more pushes it broke on its own. His head came out slowly, he was looking at everyone, and they had me lean back. I don’t remember the “ring of fire” feeling being nearly as intense this time. I gave another push and I passed the shoulders and the rest of his body slid out into my husband’s hands. Andrew caught him and put him right up to my chest and I felt this overwhelming feeling of pure elation and joy. He was born posterior AND asynclitic, no wonder pushing was so intense! I was studying my beautiful baby when I realized he was a boy, our little family would have two wild ones now! All I could say was “I did it! I really did it! And no one had to hold me down!” I was in such shock that I actually did it, I felt strong.
I looked at my baby and thought “man, he is tiny!” M laughed and sarcastically said “yeah, that is a 6 pounder alright” and I was all like “I know, isn’t he tiny?!” S chimed in and was like “he is at least in the nines!” (I had been fighting a battle with my sugar cravings the entire pregnancy so the baby’s weight was a concern for me) After the placenta was delivered I started to feel funny and it literally felt like I was peeing blood. I stood up to get out of the pool and clots just poured out of me, I felt so spaced out and weak. S, B, and M had me lay on the floor because I looked faint and didn’t think I could walk all the way back to my bedroom. I continued to bleed so B massaged my uterus and S gave me Cytotec (an anti-hemorrhagic drug). S was standing over me at some point telling me not to fall asleep and asking me all kinds of questions to keep me alert. I felt so spaced out and wanted to nod off so badly, at the time I didn’t see why that was such a big deal. Despite the concern with the hemorrhage, I was still able to nurse Oliver right there on the kitchen floor. Once the bleeding was stable, S did Oli’s newborn exam right next to me while B continued to massage my uterus. Oliver weighted in at 9lbs 2oz, definitely not a 6 pounder!
I needed to pass a clot that was causing me to continue bleeding so B pulled me back to the bathroom on a table cloth since I was still too woozy and weak to stand. Even though the bleeding seemed to take a while to get under control, it was handled extremely well by our midwife and the birth team. Of course this is just one type of curveball that is often thrown in births and midwives are trained and able to handle it. Finally I was able to pee and pass a clot so I was moved to my bed. This story ends peacefully like most homebirth stories; I was snuggled up in my very own bed next to my husband and cuddling my new baby. My sweet toddler eventually came home and I was able to tandem nurse the two boys for the first time ever. Oliver was born into this world so calmly; he never had anyone touch him who didn’t love him. As for me, I never had to fight off some cold nurse wanting to whisk my baby away to the nursery and I felt secure and cherished by my birth team. All of this made the most blissful entrance into second time motherhood, I feel so blessed.
The birth montage
Untitled from Lora Denton on Vimeo.
http://vimeo.com/21618813
Tags: birth, birth stories, birth stories on demand, positive birth stories, home birth, water birth, natural birth, midwife, Doula, cytotec, birth stories with pictures, birth photography
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