Friday is here at BSOD❣
Friday, August 12, 2011 at 12:25AM 
Brittany
So beautiful Brittany!
A Loss Story......
Ann's Story of Grace
Let me began by saying this was not the way I envisioned getting pregnant. I envisioned being happily married to a wonderful man and living in a beautiful house with a yard that my little ones could run and play in. I never in a million years thought it would happen like this.
I was on a date with a bartender from a restaurant that a friend of mine and I ate at frequently. All was going well. He took me to a local coffee house and then we walked around the Capital for awhile. It was getting late but neither of us wanted to end the date. He asked me if I would like to go to his place to watch a movie. I hesitated at first, but decided that he had been such a gentleman that there couldn’t be any real harm. We got to his place and within minutes I realized what a mistake I had made.
That night I was sexually assaulted. Though the morning after pill was offered to me, I just couldn’t take it. A baby is a baby no matter how it comes to you. Not to mention I figured there was no way I could get pregnant that easily. I had been told years before that it would be difficult to get pregnant.
Within a few days I knew. It was too early to test, but I just knew. I was already getting the morning sickness and could smell everything. My heart sunk. This was not the way I envisioned getting pregnant, but I was and it was time to make sure that we were taken care of.
The day I confirmed the pregnancy I went to tell my parents. They acted like it was my fault this had happened and told me to get an abortion. I told them I would do no such thing and my father told me that if I had a boy I would be bringing another rapist in to this world. I left in tears. How could they be so cruel?
The next few weeks were really hard. I had no family, but I had some great friends who were standing by me. I was scared. I had so many conflicting emotions. I was so angry that this had happened. I was incredibly hurt that my own parents turned their back on me. Of course, in a little way excited to be bringing a new life in to this world. Through my deep rooted faith and counseling I was going to be okay. My Pastor was wonderful. He made sure I knew that he was available for me and that he would do all that he could to help me out.
Work was getting busy at this point and I was going to be sent out of town to help open a new store. This is when an already stressful situation took a turn for the worse. When I woke at 4:30 that morning to be to the store by 5, I was having mild cramps. I called my OB/GYN’s after hour line (it was my first pregnancy and I didn’t know if this was normal or not) and they said not to worry and to take some Tylenol to be comfortable. An hour later I was spotting. Again I was told that not to worry. “I am out of town on business, I’m scared. I don’t want to lose my baby.” I told them desperately trying to convey how I was feeling. “Pregnant woman can spot at times and have mid cramps.” They told me.
The cramps started to get increasingly painful and I started to bleed heavily. I told the store manager that I had to go. It was an emergency. She said ok and told me where the closest hospital was. I drove myself, crying all the way there. When I got there, as I was walking in to the ER entrance, I had another really severe cramp. The security guard asked if I needed a wheel chair. “No, I need a doctor. I’m 8-weeks pregnant. I need a doctor now.” I don’t think I was very nice when I said this which I felt bad about later. Before I knew what was going on I was in a wheel chair and being wheeled back to a room. No triage just straight back. A doctor came quickly and had me explain what was going on. He did an ultrasound to see if he could see a heartbeat. There was none. With deep sadness in his voice and eyes he confirmed what I already knew. I was crushed. The cramps had been contractions. The spotting was a warning sign. He said that given the stressful situation, there’s a chance all the stress could have caused the miscarriage. They told me to stay off my feet and relax. They told me that I would be tired and that I would continue to have crampiness for the next few days. They prescribed a pain killer, had a social worker talk to me and told me to go back to my hotel room.
I had to fight the feeling that it was my fault my baby died. I kept thinking that if I hadn’t been so stressed out this wouldn’t have happened. I kept wondering what I could have done to prevent it.
That night I had a dream of a baby girl floating away from me. She was beautiful. She had dark hair and the most peaceful look. When I woke up the next morning the name Grace just kept coming to me.
On her due date we had a memorial service for Grace. It was beautiful. We had it at the highest point of the city. We were surrounded by trees and water. As we were finishing up a butterfly landed very close to me. There were no others to be around it just my little Grace sending me a reminder that she was there. Grace would have been 2 on April 19, 2010.
Tags: sexual assault, date rape, first trimester loss, first pregnancy loss, cramps, miscarriage, early miscarriage, loss story, unbirth, unbirth story, miscarriage story, cramping
Ann's Story of Grace
Let me began by saying this was not the way I envisioned getting pregnant. I envisioned being happily married to a wonderful man and living in a beautiful house with a yard that my little ones could run and play in. I never in a million years thought it would happen like this.
I was on a date with a bartender from a restaurant that a friend of mine and I ate at frequently. All was going well. He took me to a local coffee house and then we walked around the Capital for awhile. It was getting late but neither of us wanted to end the date. He asked me if I would like to go to his place to watch a movie. I hesitated at first, but decided that he had been such a gentleman that there couldn’t be any real harm. We got to his place and within minutes I realized what a mistake I had made.
That night I was sexually assaulted. Though the morning after pill was offered to me, I just couldn’t take it. A baby is a baby no matter how it comes to you. Not to mention I figured there was no way I could get pregnant that easily. I had been told years before that it would be difficult to get pregnant.
Within a few days I knew. It was too early to test, but I just knew. I was already getting the morning sickness and could smell everything. My heart sunk. This was not the way I envisioned getting pregnant, but I was and it was time to make sure that we were taken care of.
The day I confirmed the pregnancy I went to tell my parents. They acted like it was my fault this had happened and told me to get an abortion. I told them I would do no such thing and my father told me that if I had a boy I would be bringing another rapist in to this world. I left in tears. How could they be so cruel?
The next few weeks were really hard. I had no family, but I had some great friends who were standing by me. I was scared. I had so many conflicting emotions. I was so angry that this had happened. I was incredibly hurt that my own parents turned their back on me. Of course, in a little way excited to be bringing a new life in to this world. Through my deep rooted faith and counseling I was going to be okay. My Pastor was wonderful. He made sure I knew that he was available for me and that he would do all that he could to help me out.
Work was getting busy at this point and I was going to be sent out of town to help open a new store. This is when an already stressful situation took a turn for the worse. When I woke at 4:30 that morning to be to the store by 5, I was having mild cramps. I called my OB/GYN’s after hour line (it was my first pregnancy and I didn’t know if this was normal or not) and they said not to worry and to take some Tylenol to be comfortable. An hour later I was spotting. Again I was told that not to worry. “I am out of town on business, I’m scared. I don’t want to lose my baby.” I told them desperately trying to convey how I was feeling. “Pregnant woman can spot at times and have mid cramps.” They told me.
The cramps started to get increasingly painful and I started to bleed heavily. I told the store manager that I had to go. It was an emergency. She said ok and told me where the closest hospital was. I drove myself, crying all the way there. When I got there, as I was walking in to the ER entrance, I had another really severe cramp. The security guard asked if I needed a wheel chair. “No, I need a doctor. I’m 8-weeks pregnant. I need a doctor now.” I don’t think I was very nice when I said this which I felt bad about later. Before I knew what was going on I was in a wheel chair and being wheeled back to a room. No triage just straight back. A doctor came quickly and had me explain what was going on. He did an ultrasound to see if he could see a heartbeat. There was none. With deep sadness in his voice and eyes he confirmed what I already knew. I was crushed. The cramps had been contractions. The spotting was a warning sign. He said that given the stressful situation, there’s a chance all the stress could have caused the miscarriage. They told me to stay off my feet and relax. They told me that I would be tired and that I would continue to have crampiness for the next few days. They prescribed a pain killer, had a social worker talk to me and told me to go back to my hotel room.
I had to fight the feeling that it was my fault my baby died. I kept thinking that if I hadn’t been so stressed out this wouldn’t have happened. I kept wondering what I could have done to prevent it.
That night I had a dream of a baby girl floating away from me. She was beautiful. She had dark hair and the most peaceful look. When I woke up the next morning the name Grace just kept coming to me.
On her due date we had a memorial service for Grace. It was beautiful. We had it at the highest point of the city. We were surrounded by trees and water. As we were finishing up a butterfly landed very close to me. There were no others to be around it just my little Grace sending me a reminder that she was there. Grace would have been 2 on April 19, 2010.
Tags: sexual assault, date rape, first trimester loss, first pregnancy loss, cramps, miscarriage, early miscarriage, loss story, unbirth, unbirth story, miscarriage story, cramping
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