This birth story was used by permission from Becky's blog:
My life, as it is, with a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder.
8 years ago TODAY my little girl graced this world with her presence. So here, (Kelli, you should love this) is my little girls' birth story. This is slightly graphic, so if you get sick easily, don't read this. I'm not going into a lot of detail, but there is SOME.
It was nearly 8 o'clock in the morning on Sunday, May 23rd, 2004. My husband was at a meeting for his job, and surprise! The pregnant chick had to roll her fat ass out of bed and go to the bathroom. Thanks to a sky rocketing blood pressure and swelling that would amaze that chick that turned into a blueberry in the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie, I had been on bed rest for 6 weeks at this point. Needless to say, since I couldn't even wear shoes, (I was LITERALLY barefoot and pregnant) I was SOOOO ready for this baby to be born.
I waddled my way to the bathroom and sat down on the pot and I heard this really odd noise that sounded like two wet pieces of rubber being rubbed together and then there was a huge rush of fluid that DID NOT feel like I had just gone to the bathroom. Yup, my water broke, but this was my first and only pregnancy, so I had NO idea (other than a somewhat educated guess) what had just happened. So I stuffed a towel between my legs and waddled to get the phone where I called, not my husband, not my mom, but my best friends' mom because she is a labor and delivery nurse. I told her about what had just happened and she confirmed that, yes, my water just broke and I needed to get to the hospital.
I then attempted to call my husband on his cell phone and heard it ring in his pants next to the bed. *fuck* I then called his job, and even though he had JUST WALKED OUT THE DOOR, right in front of them, they hadn't seen him all morning. *idiots* Thankfully he returned home soon, and I was ready and waiting at the door with my bag, and his bag. I told him what was going on and we hit the road.
It was quite a drive from our home to the hospital where we were going to have our baby, it was early in the morning, and I hadn't had breakfast yet. I was hungry. Screw labor! I wanted a sausage biscuit with cheese from McDonald's! My husband tried to tell me it wasn't a good idea, but damn it, I was hungry and that biscuit sounded really good. I made him stop. Besides, I didn't feel like I was having contractions yet, and surely I'd need the energy for the big event ahead of us, right? Yeah, Worst.Idea.Ever.
So, we made it to the hospital emergency room, where they checked to make sure my water really did break, put me in a wheelchair and zipped me up to labor and delivery. I still hadn't felt any contractions at this point. I was feeling good! I'd had my biscuit, no contractions, this labor thing was a breeze! Then, after getting settled into my room, and changing into one of those awesome gowns, they suggested I walk around a bit to help speed things along. Then the contractions started and I discovered what a wuss I really am. Walking made me HURT! I didn't want to do that! When I walked, after about four steps, it felt like my legs were going to give out. I didn't want to fall down and chance hurting my baby! So I got in bed and stayed there. And vomited. A lot. Because THAT is why you don't eat when you are in labor. Looking back, it makes sense. You have a contraction, your stomach and abdominal muscles tense up, you puke. I had no idea that two little biscuits (with sausage, don't forget the sausage) could make THAT MUCH VOMIT. So yeah, I stayed in bed.
The nurses were not happy about that, because my labor was not progressing...at all...so they tried to get me moving again. I admit, I tried, but it HURT! So I gave up and got back in bed. My labor continued to not progress, so the nurses ended up giving me Pitocin. If you've ever had this stuff, you can agree that it is liquid Satan. My labor progressed after that crap, alright. Only this time, it was not progressing as quickly as I would like because I had not dilated enough for them to give me drugs yet. I really wanted those drugs.
I had tried to tell myself that I wouldn't be one of those women that goes all psycho when they're in labor, but I did. My feet were freezing, so I asked for socks to be put on. Then I had a contraction and they had to come off...RIGHT NOW. The sensation of having them on my feet was too much for me to handle. I also wanted the TV on. It gave me a nice distraction. Until I had a contraction and the sound of the TV about made my ears split. It was just too much. I think being in labor was the closest I will ever come to understanding my daughter's sensory issues. By the time I was able to have drugs, and the anesthesiologist came in to give me the epidural, I was so out of my head with sensory overload, they almost couldn't give me the shot because keeping the O2 sensor on my finger was that uncomfortable for me. It was making me crazy. But, the desire to NOT hurt (as bad) anymore won out and the shot was finally administered and I was able to relax. At this point I was only dilated to about 5. And it was well after noon and nearing dinner time.
They continued with the Pitocin because every time they tried to take me off it, my labor would stop, so I ended up with the stuff all the way through the delivery to the very end because my labor would just not progress without it.
Finally, around midnight, I was able to start pushing. This was not fun either. They never tell you this, but when you are trying to push a kid out of a tiny whole in your vagina, sometimes you poop a little. I'm already in this horribly uncomfortable position with my knees touching my ears. There is a chick standing between my legs with her hand all up in my business, I'm trying to push this huge thing out of a tiny hole, and then THAT happens? Aw, come ON! I thought birth was supposed to be beautiful! Poop is SO not beautiful.
Then it happened. At 1:13 AM on May 24th, 2004, Katie came quietly into this world. She did not scream at first, which worried me to the point of screaming myself (Why isn't she screaming!!!), but when she did, it was beautiful.
Katie was born at 7 lbs, 5 oz. and 18 inches long. She had a horrible cone head that was covered in a full head of jet black hair. She had the prettiest grey eyes I had ever seen. She was perfect.
Happy birthday, Boo. Mama and Daddy love you very much.
For more of her awesomeness please follow Becky on her blog:
tags: birth, birth stories, birth stories on demand, epidural, medical intervention, poop in labor, pitocin, pitocin is liquid satan, funny birth stories, humor, blog, defining normal