It started with 2 pink lines..... As do most of all our babies lives do. From that moment on you dream, you plan, you hope. Its so happy, fun, and exciting. Kids grow up so fast, however the 9 months leading up to the meeting of your baby is the longest EVER and I mean EVER!!!
I had a miscarriage in December, I was terrified to get a little excited. I thought for sure I'd misscarry again. 8 weeks passed which is when the drs had said the baby stopped growing, 12 weeks came which is when the dr discovered no heart beat. I still couldnt seem to get excited, even though I heard the heartbeat several times, had the worst morning sickness that required zofran. I was now looking forward for the scan for them to tell me my baby now is healthy. It finally came. 20 weeks pregnant! Big sigh of relief. I didnt wanna find out the sex, but the lady didnt hide it too well. It was very clear I was having a sweet little girl. And she was healthy and had all the organs!! It was real I was pregnant!!
Now came the planning, the fun part, a name..... With every new week came a new name. It had to be perfect. I could never quite get one but now it was Christmas time in Texas. We had all 7 kids with us and a lil girl in my belly kickin away. I started having really bad pains and it scared me to death!!! I couldnt imagine a loss right now. Finally it dawned on me, it was my gall bladder. A silly gall bladder!! A few weeks later, I had a really bad attack again. I went to the er and the dr came in sayin theyre getting a helicopter to come get me to go to a bigger better equipped hospital!!!! No please let everything be ok?? I was 32 weeks prego drs were talking about the baby being born early, I still didnt have her name!!! She cant come yet. Im not ready.
After more tests we saw she was fine and my gall bladder was starting to get better. Being bored and lonely I played with names again, I couldnt have a baby again with no name. I had my son and even while he was having his first bath, he had no name yet lol. Well one night I dreamed about a name. It was Kimberlea. And from that moment on I had a little girl named Kimberlea :) Drs were keeping me but I didnt wanna stay. I could be at home on bedrest. So we left against medical advice, was told at 36 weeks they could test her lungs and possibly take her early and fix my gall bladder, however blood work started clearing up with the help of my low fat diet.... Yes, at 34 weeks I was told no fat..... which tranlates into no cheescake, no cookies, no red meat.... very sad at the end of ur pregnancy to say the least but I did it for her one tiny sacrafice isnt that bad. The drs office was now telling me to wait another week to maybe induce!!!
I was in pain and was told I could take vicoden for pain!!!! REALLY??? No I had to hold on a little longer. Then on Thursday I felt it, I knew it Kimberlea was coming!!! I felt the tighting. We headed towards Springs which is wht the dr told me if I went into labor head to Springs. Cause they couldnt handle an early baby being in such a small town. We went the back way stopped in Salida to eat at Mcdonalds where the cashier asked if I was in labor when I painfully placed my order. She told me I was CRAZY!!! HAHAHA I was now scared to have her here. The pain and the cashier made me snap into reality. I was pregnant, about to have a baby. She was safer in my tummy, she was warm and fed and happy. Contractions got worse so we went into the hospital there. Thats where my water broke it was official, she was coming for sure now. They hooked me up and tested me, told me she sounded great and I could walk to get her to come down more. We did stairs and squats. I felt we made a lot of progress it was starting to get worse and worse fast.
For utter fear of pain I wanted epidural sooner than later. Before that I just had to do the bouncy ball, which was really uncomfortable with the gushing of amniotic fluid. It was just gross. They also had a jacuzzi tub I HAD to try :) I sat in it squated more and it felt great. Now time for epidural before its too late!! They got it started and I decided to sleep. I couldnt wait to hold her now. I was in and out untill I really started to hurt, omg the pain, something I did NOT want to feel. I begged for them to give me more, she said the guy had to come back. WHAT!!!?? I thought I had a continuos thing??? Oh nooooo theres the pressure WAIT please I cant do this. Nurse said its too late!! Noooo It cant be too late.... Ohhhh yepp shes comin.... They start moving things turning things on its hustle and bustle now dr says PUSH..... I push and push. Shes almost there but the pain was tearing me apart!!! Nope I was done I cant do it. They beg and urge me to do one more. I pull from deep inside me and muster up a big scream and push her out... there ok she out.... nope dr says just one more for her shoulders??? Ugh.....
Ahhhhhhh I scream again then bam its over. Kimberlea Snow born at 6:24 am on Feb 10th. 5lbs 12oz, 18in long Just like that its done she out and the pain stops. Apparently the girl in the room next to us was having her first baby, and I scared her lol. Sorry :/ Wait... Something is wrong my angel, she doesnt cry?? Whats wrong with my baby girl. Panic strikes my heart. Nooo please baby girl cry. Still not much of a cry but we get a little one. It doesnt make me feel any better, my heart tells me something is wrong. They tell us her lung has fluid in it due to coming out so fast. So we pat her on the bak she breast feeds a little but not like my others.... Something is wrong. They hook her up to a pulse ox and monitor it making sure it stays above 90% My mom and dad come to see her, Everyone is kinda afraid to hold her cause she coughs and it doesnt sound right. She still hasnt cried. Something is wrong very wrong.
The night comes everyone leaves. The hospital gives us a sweetheart dinner, with fake candles and wine glasses with juice in it. :) Super sweet. Although I cant relax my baby still hasnt cried very well her color looks funny. I lay with her on my chest her o2 levels go a little up. We try to feed again and its just like shes weak.... Something isnt right. Im super tired and ask the nurse to take her, I dnt feel safe. She still hasnt had her black poop, and we fed her with a medicine dropper. I drift off to sleep pretty fast Im so tired. They wake me up a little while later and ask if I wanna feed her with the meicine thing, I say no...
Why did I say no is all I remember thinking and then they woke me up around 5 telling me they are trying to get a helicopter to come get her!!! OMG wht happened why did I say no???? My baby I wanna hold my baby..... They had to intabate her, at the moment I wasnt comprehending wht was going on, they took me to the room where they had her tiny little helpless body on a little baby warmer full of wires, with a big blue bag pumping it.... they were breathing for my baby. I could feel tears, I seen too many dr shows. I wanted to hold her to let her kno I was there. The dr kept saying how the weather is bad but they are trying. I could see the other mother walking around with her family, I could see how happy she was, I didnt want to scare her more. There was a big man reminded me of a teddy bear. He had sad eyes?? Why did he know something we didnt?? All I could do was cry and wait for someone to tell me wht was wrong. I looked in the room and dr tells my hubby and I about her diaphram and intestines in her chest?? Wht was he talking about??
I see a surgeon lady like on tv with her scrubs and hat thing on, something about a chest tube Nooooooo!!!! Please God dnt take my girl, I cry I pleade I ask him to take me instead.... The teddy bear in the hall tells me his wife works in an NICU and he'd be praying..... wow a complete stranger is praying for my baby. Still waiting on someone , anyone to come get her and save her which we find out now is going to be the ambulance. The dr is texting Jason Gein back and forth. Pictures of xrays, and hes telling them wht to do. They keep taking turns breathing for her with the scary blue bag. They are getting tired and their shifts shoulda been over a long time ago. Yet they all stay for my baby. Finally the dr is looking down the hall and his eyes are so sad when he looks at me, when he looks down the hall. Its like he's using his dr powers to make them appear NOW.
Suddenly I see them it was like they were angels come running down the hall with all these machines and a big stretcher to save my baby. I wanna take a picture but i dnt. Dr jason Gien talks to us and tells us exactly wht the other dr said?? But wht does it mean, is she dyeing is she ok now that were going to Denver?? Chance had left way before we did. We finally get loaded she stable and buckled even. :) Dr Jason says shes doing well now that they dnt even need the other machines they brought!! We finally make it to Denver. Ive now told everyone please pray for my baby, I told them wht was wrong, but I couldnt wrap my own thoughts around it. They start unloading her and a huge team of like 10 or 15 drs are taking care of her, starting ivs, medicines, and whtever else they had. Wht is going on is all I could think, I heard the words but I didnt grasp the severity that she was fighting hard for her life.
Its now going to be sunday the drs say shes stable and they need to do surgery to fix her... So her lung can expand and see wht size of lung she has..... Ohhhhhhh now im getting it, she may not have a good lung her heart is pushed to one side. I cant hold her cause her breathing tube is too short. She is now going to be tested for seisures before they sched her for surgery :( oh poor baby was without the right amount of oxygen for so long her brain may not be right.... Please baby girl be ok. Pleas just be ok... Then the test comes bak they say shes fine. Whew they wanna do surgery on Tuesday... Valentines day, but it could change at the last minute so dnt get our hopes up. Please let it go good please, they tell us we could wait in waiting room we could walk her down, no I wanna stay in her room and wait. Idk why but I wanna stay in her room.
I desperatly pump every 2 hours to keep milk for my baby. I cant hold her i cant feed her but I can pump. They come back with my poor swollen baby shes so swollen I cry for her, please baby girl be ok. I touch her hand and stroke her hair. They tell us it went well her hole wasnt very big and they didnt need a patch they just stitched it together now we wait for her to do the work to start breathing and for her lung to do wht it needs to do. They sched feeds to make sure her intestines arent in knots. lets face it they are no longer in their the way God had made her. Her pain medicine wears off, I see her silently cry. Her little scrunched face with her silent cry, breaks my heart, oh baby please dnt cry, dr someone help her!!! Her face is red and her fists are balled up.... I hold her the best I can holding her hands and feet together. As the medicince drips through the IV and begins to kick in, she relaxes and closes her eyes and sleeps..... That was the worst seeing her cry like that choking on her breathing tube. No one wants to see their baby cry, but like this was almost unbearable.
We were told the first 24 to 48 hours are going to be the hardest. She could start doing bad and its gonna be a roller coaster. Idk if I can handle anymore bad.... Actually the 48 hours come and go with out a blink!!! She is now being called rock star. This one night she was so restless her machine breathing machine keeps going off??? Oh no is this the set back they talk of... They said shes fighting the machine, she wants to do it herself.... Wait they wanna pull her breathing tube out now??? Dnt pull her tube out.... Im scared as they pull it out and her little face begins to cry!!! A real good raspy cry:) its perfect!!! I feel good about her cry. Her feeds and intestines are doing great, we should be going home soon!! Her heart is fine, she off the medicines. Im getting to hold her now. I dnt wanna put her down.
My son Danny was in the nicu for 4 weeks and he was so detached from me I desperatly cling to her so shes knows Im here. I wont let her go. I feel so sorry cause I feel like I did something wrong like I hurt her. They keep telling me they dnt know why it happens they say usually parents know its happening. I was constantly asked about my ultrasounds. No and I dont wish I would have known either, but if they would have seen the defect in her ultrasounds it would have also meant her lung might not have been the right size. We are pretty sure her liver was holding her intestines down and when she was born then they came in her chest.
She gonna be just fine! I feed her a bottle and she does amazing. We are now going home!!!! Her nurse tells me when they went down to get her they thought she wasnt going to make it. Usually when they intabate with a bag for so long esp on an infant they'll pop a lung, but when they intabated her they put the tube too far down to the right which is the lung that was crushed. Salida wasnt equipped with a special breathing machine they thought they were loosing her, but when the flight for life crew got there the repositioned the tube and she turned around so fast!!! God protected her left lung from being compromised!!
Ive now learned they congenital diaphragmatic hernia babies (CDH) have a 50% chance of survival!! And even after that their quality of life could be differant than a normal baby with only one lung to function on. When they do know about the CDH they intabate right away they dnt want the babies to cry or anything!!! She breathed on her own for 24, count them 24 HOURS!!!! While some even being intabated only survive a few hours. I was also told that Dr. Jason Gien doesnt go on transports to get the babies. However he came to get her!!! I love this man and have so much respect for him. I wanted so bad to tell him every time I seen him in the hall but hes so busy I didnt wanna bother him. Besides Im sure I look like a crazy person who just met their favorite actor!! But I hope he knows I will never forget him or the crew or any of the people we've met and still yet to meet on this journey.
She had a gentetic test done as well to see if her chromozones are all there and in the right order, and they are!!!!!!! She is a miracle in all sense of the meaning. 1 in 5 families are told their newborn or unborn child will have CDH, they dnt know the cause so far its like winning the worst lotto imaginable, although this is 1 in 2500 babies will have this. My daughter fought and fought. She breathed for 24 hours by herself when unfortunatly some dnt even make it hours after they are born even with intabation. No footprint is too small to leave an impact on the world. God chose me and many other women to be these special babies mommy. I feel blessed God chose me for Kimberlea!!
I dnt know how to put captions on my photos, The one of her with the big flower on her head was her getting a big girl bed at the hospital. The first car seat one is her going home. The one after that is beads of courage. There is a bead for every heart echo, iv started, surgery, holding her for the first time. They are really neat. The last one is her getting her nasal oxygen off:) And the attachment is our whole family, happily blended and loving life at Bishop's Castle in Rye, Colorado